Forget 2012!

Tahun ini tahun paling telat deh sepanjang sejarah ngeblog buat gue bikin postingan tentang resolusi awal tahun. Ini udah hampir pertengahan Januari dan gue baru bikin postingan resolusi sekarang. But hey, postingan kan urusan pamer doang yaaak, niat mah udah dari 2012 kok.

So let see... 2012 bukan tahun dengan achievement besar buat gue. Dari sisi iman, karir, berat badan (oh dear!!!), social life, endesbrei. Satu-satunya achievement di tahun 2012 mungkin jadi rescue diver yaak. But I wont be hard to my self, gue memaklumi karena 2012 adalah tahun pertama hidup di kota baru. Karir so-so, social life nyaris ga ada, berat badan nambah berkilo-kilo.... ah... I'm starting to feel sorry for my self! Now forget 2012! The Mayans thought they cant make it till this year, but we can! So we're tougher than them. I'm tougher than them! :p

Mari di breakdown satu per satu...

-Urusan Iman.

Di hari-hari awal tahun 2013 gw dikasih mimpi masuk neraka. Semoga gue nggak akan pernah lupa sama mimpi itu. Dalam mimpi itu gue habis meleleh dibakar, muka gue meleleh dah ukaya muka yang ada di lukisan scream-nya Edvard Munch. Gue lihat tangan dan kaki gue kebakar sampe kelihatan tulangnya dan sampe tulangnya juga kebakar, cepat sekali, padahal ceritanya gue masih jauuuh sekali dari inti neraka yang saking panasnya warnanya kuning silau kaya liat matahari pas gerhana matahari. DI tempat gue berdiri segalanya masih gelap, jauh dari sumber panas yang silau tadi. Setelah tangan kaki gue kebakar, sesuai dengan yang diceritakan di Quran, tangan kaki dan badan gue dibentuk lagi yang baru terus dibakar lagi, berkali-kali. Tapi gue nggak ngerasain sakitnya, namanya juga mimpi. Yang gue rasain ketakutannya, gue pikir mungkin karena saking sakitnya gue sampe nggak lagi ngerasain sensasi sakit. Di saat gue ketakutan karena gue nggak tau sampe kapan gue berhenti liatin badan gue habis kebakar terus baik lagi terus kebakar lagi, tapi bingung kenapa kok nggak kesakitan... datang deh sosok yang ngomong ke gue "nggak papa kan? Bisa koooook masuk neraka! Pasti kuat! Santaaaaai." Trus gue kebangun, istighfar. Horor!

Dua hari kemudian gue ngobrol sama kakak gue, dan gue berniat berubah. Gaya pakaian yang selama ini gue akuin hijab, mungkin bukan hijab yang diminta Allah. Gaya shalat yang selama ini gue kerjakan (shalat cuma buat menuhin kewajiban, tanpa khusyu, tanpa dihayati) mungkin bukan shalat yang diminta. Mungkin kalau gue mati dengan amal yang gue pikir udah bikin gue selamat, ternyata tetep ngantar gue masuk neraka juga akhirnya.... ketemu deh tuh sama setan yang bilang gue kuat masuk neraka. Naudzubillah!

Niat berubah itu langsung gw kerjakan, langsung gue proklamirkan, paling nggak ke suami. Karena kalau gue simpen sendiri, setan yang nongkrong di kepala gue itu jauh lebih kuat dari niat gue. Bahkan sampe detik ini dia masih getol ngeracunin gue buat pake hijab seadanya aja... lebih gaul! 

-Urusan karir.

Sebenernya di akhir tahun 2012 gue mulai praktek lagi, part time, di Balikpapan. Kliniknya jauuuuh lebih kecil dan lebih pas-pasan dari klinik yang pernah jadi tempat praktek gue sebelum-sebelumnya. Tapi yah niat gue praktek lagi memang bukan untuk ngejar kesuksesan sih, simply buat being a little independent secara financial and melatih skill yang bisa hilang kalau kelewat lama disuruh bobok. Not too proud with it though, tapi bukan dari situ sukses yang pengen gue cari saat ini. Jadi ya sudah!

-Urusan entrepreneur.

Udah tau kan, jualan daur ulang sampah dari Coral Project udah tyutyuuuup... Semenjak pindah ke Balikpapan gue melancarkan jalan lain, BANANE. 

Salah satu kesuksesan yang pengen gue dapatin adalah dari sini.

FYI, setan yang "gemuk" di kepala gue bukan cuma setan yang bikin iman gue mundur ke belakang, tapi juga setan yang bikin optimisme gue ludes die makan. Sering kali gue perang sama ini setan, kasian deh kepala gue. Tapi ini setan emang musuh semua start-up-ers kok, jadi gue nggak kesepian. Semoga gue bisa bekerja lebih giat untuk BANANE. Semoga Allah memudahkan dan meridhai. 

Mateeeeek lo setaaaaaaannn!!!!!

-Urusan diving.

Semenjak gue memutuskan untuk merubah penampilan supaya lebih syar'i, urusan diving ini jadi bulan-bulanan buat gue. Sebenernya niat memperbaiki jilbab ini udah lama, jauh lebih tua dari umur pernikahan gue malahan. Tapi salah satu yang memundurkan niat adalah gue khawatir kesukaan gue sama segala adventuring (dulu rafting, sekarang diving) jadi terpaksa berhenti gara-gara gaya pakaian gue nggak sesuai. Ridiculous!

Saat gue memutuskan berubah untuk kebaikan akhirat gue, gue pikir gue harus berubah detik itu juga, segala pertimbangan yang bikin gue mundur dipikirin belakangan. Nah, kemudian setelah udah berubah... gimana urusan diving?

Oh ya, yang belum paham kenapa diving jadi obstacle,well... untuk diving kita harus pake wetsuit bahan neoprene yang ngepas badan. Ini untuk kepentingan saftey, so it's a must! Tapi apa gue harus berhenti diving sekarang? Padahal hampir setiap kali gue nyemplung gue ngerasa sesek karena indahnya ciptaan Allah, yang bikin gue lebih bersyukur, yang bikin gue lebih ingat Allah. Dan berpikir harus berhenti diving itu sama rasayanya kaya dipaksa harus pisah sama suami kali yaaa... UBER SAD! 

So gue browsing, googling, tanya-tanya sana sini.... Dan akhirnya gue mendapatkan jawaban bahwa Islam tidak melarang perempuan untuk bertafakur alam. Islam malah menganjurkan umatnya untuk itu supaya lebih besar kecintaannya terhadap Allah dan lebih bersyukur. Semestinya, aturan yang ditegakkan oleh Islam nggak membuat umatnya jadi lumpuh untuk melakukan hal-hal yang bermanfaat. 

Di salah satu forum yang gue temuin, forum Malaysia, sang ustazah menjawab pasti ada jalan untuk itu (untuk bisa diving buat muslimah). Legaaa luar biasa gue rasanya setelah baca itu. 

Dan akhirnya timbul deh ide untuk bikin komunitas diver muslimah. Diving bareng perempuan-perempuan Muslim, dengan niat positif. Kenapa nggak ada di Indonesia? Kenapa di Indonesia diving lebih dikaitkan sama gaya hidup hedon??? Ya maklum, berhubung yang sering diving itu kebanyakan dari turis asing.

Semoga ide ini bisa terlaksana tahun 2013. Semoga Allah ridha dan memudahkan.

-Urusan rumah tangga

Tentunya ini kesuksesan paling utama yang pengen gue capai dong dong dong.... Rumah tangga gue teteeeeup amazing. Sang big boss pun sepulang ngerjain satu dari rukun Islam mengalami major changes dalam hidupnya. Gue bisa ngerasain keluarga gue lebih sakinah, mawahdah, warahmah. Urusan yang satu ini endaaaah di tahun 2012, dan semoga lebih edyaaaaaang dari tahun ke tahun.

Rencana untuk nambah anggota mungkin akan mulai dieksekusi tahun ini, insyaAllah. 

Eh btw, gue juga masih punya lagi setan yang ngendon di kepala untuk urusan nambah keturunan, the one that keep telling me to have just one kiddo supaya nggak perlu refoooot. Tu setan masih usaha tuh sampe detik ini... kadang-kadang bisikannya macam rayuan pulau kelapa. Eeeeerrrrr...

-Urusan social life

What the hack that I care! As long as I'm with my family, I've won my social life!  

-Urusan healthiness

Haaaa....! 2012 udah naikin berat badan gue banyak loh boook! Yang terparah adalah naik 7 kilo! TUJUH KILO! TE-U-TU-JE-U-JU-H! Bedebahhh!

Akibat umur, perubahan metabolisme, dan proses nyapih.... demikian lah kiranya. Dan gue nggak pernah sadar keparahan efek angka tujuh tadi sampe ngeliat foto sendiri sepulang jalan-jalan akhir 2012, ya maklum jarang moto diri sendiri semenjak punya anak. Di rumah nggak ada kaca yang seluruh badan pula, udah gitu kacanya meuni baik hatii semua, bikin tuan rumah keliatan kurus. NO wait... Am I excusing my self??? Dooooh!

But I decided to end it at the beginning 2013. Gue minum produk diet sekarang. Hehehehehe... dan walau pun ini adalah hal langka dalam hidup gue, sekarang gue diet makan. Hiihihihi... Urusan olah raga udah mulai gue jalanin dari 2012 sih. Gue sekarang ngerutinin lari pagi walau pun udah mulai kendor semangatnya, tapi paling minimal dalam seminggu harus lari 1 kilo. Padahal waktu semangat lagi tinggi gue lari 1.2 kilo tiap hari looooh. Tapi dulu tanpa diet hehehe... makan tetep dihantam, dan niat olah raga gue dulu bukan buat kurus, tapi demi masih bisa taklukin dunia walau pun umur udah kepala 6 atau 7, kalau umur panjang. Hehehehe...

Ya udah deh... dah kepanjangan juga kaleeeeee!

Yuuuuk dadah babaaaai.

Does 30 year old crisis exist?

Like how it is shown on my identity card, I have now hit the magic number: 30, just couples of weeks ago. What do you think that would be your first expression to me? "Congrats"? "I feel you"? "Bon courage"? "Happy birthday"?.. Anyway, when a friend has hit 30 years old, I kinda always ask him or her "how does it feel to be 30?".

Few things appear in my mind about being 30s, and this one has disturbed my mind quite a bit:
- the point of someone's success should be reached at age 35, if not then success would be far.


Do you agree with that? Or is it just an expression from an early-mid-age-crisis-person? However, by chance, we also discussed about gagner sur la vie at my french class. (FYI, I'm taking french class again recently.) We've been asked about our point of view about gagner sur la vie or reaching success in life, is it always about success in career? With cliche, I answered that being success in life is not always about success in career, someone could just have a not very meaningful career but if (s)he is happy of things that (s)he has been doing and have good friends and caring family, have enough love from around, then (s)he could say that (s)he has gained the success in life. Yup... cliche! And now I feel like want to stick my finger to my throat.

Well it might be true, but still, you would also want to reach success in career. Success in life should include ALL: career, love, family, friendship, religion... ALL! Now... if the word "success" should be reached at the very least at age 35, whilst I have entered 30 by a few weeks ago, so I only have less than five years to reach it. Does it stress me out? Uhmm... yeah!

It's then tailed with questions, like: "what is it that I really want in life?", "which path should I follow to reach my success", "if I can't reach my full success does it mean that I'm a failure?", etc. The last question already sounds pessimistic. :p

Is it a 30 year old crisis? Do I have to have all those thoughts? I've googled it... and found out that I'm not alone! Here are some that I got.....:

8/17/2007 sus t. says:

Anybody else? I've got a crap job, I've been looking for a while for something else but not really, not sure I'll be able to accomplish all my lofty goals, which now seem quite naive and impossible to accomplish, no kids, but worried that I'm waiting too long, but I still don't want to have them yet, no genuine BFFs except hubby- I really don't have a right to complain/whine but I feel like I'm nowhere near where I would have wanted to be at this age...sigh. Anybody else feel the same way? 

 Heather G. says:

I empathize. I'm 31, and my four-year-relationship with the man I was supposed to marry ended four months ago in a blaze of glory; I just got laid off from work three weeks ago, and my plans to go back to school keep getting put off to the point that I'm now wondering if it will ever happen. On top of that, I moved home awhile ago to save money, as I was planning on moving to the West Coast with the ex who was living there, so now I'm an unemployed, single 31-year-old living at home again. At least I'm a very cool chick. ;)

The good thing is, I'm not alone. None of my friends are married or having kids yet, and most are having similar career issues. But still... ugh.

 patty "the cat owes me bread" b. says:

this too shall pass.  30 is young... and i predict the following decade will be good.  challenges are good.  challenging times make success all the more meaningful.  hang in there- i know it sounds cliche, but it is all true.

Craig "Cappy" C. says:

I think everyone feels that way. 20's, 30's 40's...... Smart people keep striving to be better. It's neverending but you definitely have to force yourself to stop and enjoy the little things. Take a few to stare out at the ocean, sit quietly in the woods and hear the birds, appreciate the people who love you and whom you love, enjoy a delicious meal  and then you can get back to stressing. Ultimately many little victories make up a satisfying and accomplished life.
But we all stress at times so join the crowd.

I had mine at 29. At least that's when I quit my job, changed direction and ended up doing something radically different. I'm now 37 and have never been more settled or happier. Kate, Oxford

  

I reckon that in 90% of cases just one thing is to blame for such a crisis: failure to find a route in life. Whether this failure is settling into a permanent relationship, or finding the career that is both satisfying and rewarding, is up to the individual. Even not being able to move into bricks and mortar that are your own and not a poverty-related rented flat can prove stressful. Women obviously have the added stress of the body-clock factor; even those women I know who don't really feel the urge to procreate are aware and stressed that their choices in this issue are being constrained merely by their age. Men, I feel, are suffering from a loss of knowing what their role is in life now that women can fend for themselves, and this is hugely stressful on both their psyche and their health. This stress factor can also grate upon the well-being of women. All of which makes a perfect time bomb for a mid-life crisis as women and men approach their frightening forties. Madeleine, Durham

 Nevertheless... uhm, I really don't know what else should I type. Well, life goes on, like it or not! Without wanted, still being 30 is the fact that I have now. :p

Don't you think

Agree!

2012

Ini postingan rutin tahunan, tiap akhir tahun pan gue selalu review resolusi tahun itu sama bikin resolusi tahun depan pan yaaak. Tradisi nggak boleh ditinggalkan dong dong dong, padahal sih gue udah tergoda banget inih curhat soal pindahan dan kehidupan di Balikpapan setelah 3 minggu disini. Bah, Balikpapan bisa menunggu... gue toh masih disini.

Sooooh, apakah yang terjadi dengan 2011? Setelah gue lihat lagi postingan resolusi gue buat tahun 2011 ternyata gue udah kehilangan ambisi saat itu yaak.... duh kasihan! :p Yaaah selama tahun 2010 sejak bulan Maret kan gue lebih banyak ngabisin waktu di rumah, ngurus anak dan kerja part time aja 4 jam 2x seminggu, itu pun on call (itu pun males-malesan...) sementara yang sebelumnya kerja dengan office hour plus Sabtu; jarang di rumah, kerjaan lumenyen, bergengsi, berduit.... yah maklum lah kalo gue mendadak kehilangan ambisi. Eh, maklum kagak yak??!

Tapi ternyata kebosanan gue di rumah-rumah aja membawa berkah, gue jadi pengen punya usaha. Bulan April 2011 Coral lahir. Walau pun kemajuan usahanya  lambat banget, lebih lambat dari siput renta dengan parkinson, yaaaah untuk akhirnya berkemauan berusaha dan mulai bikin itu udah lumayan lah buat gue. Gue jadi banyak belajar, eh sedikit sih... tapi gue jadi tau-tauan yang tadinya blank acan soal berusahe gitu.


Naaaaaaaaaah... karena akhir-akhir ini gue sering eh, kadang, eh sesekali baca buku or artikel tentang motivasi buat intrepreneur gitu, gue jadi terpacu buat bikin resolusi yang lebih berkwalitas yang tajam dan terperinci. *mendadak mandeg*


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Ih apa yah? -___-*



Coral. harus gue mulai dari 0 lagi setelah kepindahan gue ke Balikpapan. Males ya neeeik! Gue harus cari tau lagi dimana gue bisa dapet tukang kap lampu atau tukang besi yang bisa bantu gue bikin rangkanya, dimana gue bisa dapet komunitas yang bisa bantu gue merealisasikan mimpi Coral (eh kalau yang ini sih bukan "lagi" tapi emang baru akan), mulai lagi nyari konsinyasi, yang paling penting dari itu semua mulai bikin produksi lagi! Tapi dari artikel-artikel motivasi yang gue baca males itu adalah pantang, lagian secara gue kerja sendirian kalo males yaaaa lembet-lembet aja terus nih usahe. Aren't I the boss for my self?? Kerja Diana, kerjaaaaaa!!!!! *ctaaaaarrr!!!!*


Untuk rinci rencana akan gue catet di dream book gue aja deh yaak, nggak perlu gue share di sini toh? *ngubek-ngubek buku di gudang* Eh kecuali kalau ente mau jadi partner in crime business gue... ada kah? Anyone? :p


Selain Coral. gue masih punya project satu lagi namanya Tee4Charity, silahkan baca-baca disini. Project jualan kaos anak yang keuntungannya akan disedekahin pas hari ultahnya Izan ini belum berhasil. Gue udah mulai bikin kaosnya di salah satu tukang sablon di Ciputat yang gue dapat dari internet. Tapi ternyata setelah coba 1 buat anak sendiri dan dicuci ketahuan deh kualitas sablonnya buruk. Padahal yang mau beli udah lumayan bener, malahan udah ada beberapa kaos yang keburu terjual... tapi untung yang beli mertua gue jadi yaaaah semoga bisa dimaklumi. Sementara ini kaos-kaos yang udah dibikin disimpen dulu dan berniat untuk disedekahin langsung nantinya ke anak-anak yang bernasib kurang baik. Dan gue mau cari tukang sablon kece di Balikpapan ini untuk mulai kerjain project ini lagi... will do that today!


Gue pun perlu cari anak yang bernasib kurang baik tapi dengan potensi luarrrrr biasa untuk kelanjutan object dari Tee4Charity ini, karena niatnya paska ultahnya Izan project ini akan gue terusin tapi dengan cara yang agak beda :) Adakah yang punya rekomendasi... monggo lhoooo.


Lanjyuuuut.... resolusi gue nggak cuma soal usahe aje dong dong dong.... pan gue mamak satu anak cum bini kece! Gue mau mulai kehidupan yang lebih teratur disini. Kalo kemaren 95% kehidupan gue setelah jadi emak diwarnai dengan frekuensi 2-2 minggu dengan dan tanpa suami, sekarang kan nempel muluk kecuali pas office hours. Charge gue di rumah justru lebih besar dari sebelumnya, karena tiap jam kerja pan laki gue gak ade. Karena itu gue pengen manajemen yang lebih teratur, anyway sepertinya nggak susah untuk punya flow yang teratur di sini.... Balikpapan kota santeeeeeeeeeeeeei! :)


Dan urusan menjadi mamak, tahun 2012 akan jadi tahunn nyapihnya Izan. Gue baru mau nyapih dia setelah at least genap 2 tahun, udah nanya and intip-intip ceritanya mamak-mamak kece yang udah berhasil weaning with love. Doakeun aja gue berhasil juga yaak! Hummm apa lagi yaaa... Dan karena Izan akan disapih tahun ini, insyaAllah dia bisa dilatih untuk lebih mandiri tahun ini, biar emaknye bisa lebih maksimal berusahe gituuuuuuh.... hehehehhee...


Eh lupak, pan aye punya profesi dokter gigi juga pan yaaaak? Nah untuk ini gue akan usaha cari lowongan disini... Untuk yang ini kalimatnya pake "akan" bukan "mau" karena menurut gue "akan" itu masih belum pake "kemauan" hehehehehehhe.... Eh mau sih gue, tapi nggak sebesar kemauan gue berwirausaha!


Dan mimpi soal diving... ini pasrah dengan keuangan suami. Kan gue nggak berpenghasilan kece lagi sekarang, eh bukan nggak tapi belum! Yang jelas semoga tahun ini gue bisa ambil sertivikat untuk nambah level lagi. *kedipin suami*

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah demikian lah kiranya cite-cite aye untuk 2012 dimana umur akan menjadi tujuh belas. Eh, ntar dulu!!! Camkan ini baik-baik wahai semesta.... umur gue boleh deh jadi kepala 3 tapi gue terlahir  dengan spirit untuk FOREVER TWENTIES!!!! Ehm, muka jugak! Gua tidak akan bertambah tuaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!! *langsung headstand* *dan daftar kelas yoga*


Selamat datang 2012!!!!!! GUA NGGAK TAKUT DENGAN KEPALA TIGA!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! -___-*

Lesson learned 2

We were having breakfast this morning when husband's friend suddenly text him to tell about my blackberry. Her name is Irma, husband's ex hi school mate. She was seating on our back while watching Cars 2 on cinema, with her husband and children. Her husband and daughter seat on our chair after we get out and found my phone which was off... battery was low. How coincidence... we didn't even know that it's Billy's friend who was seating behind us. Oh well... there is no such thing as coincidence! All planned pretty, pretty well with Allah's will.

So I feel like receiving another memo from God that says:
"My dear Di, please don't be sad. I love you, you know that well.I hate to see you sad more then your husband or your parents or anyone in the world. You have got your lesson, right? Now I give you back what you thought you have lost. Please keep close to Me, okay?

With the greatest love that nothing else could give you more,
God."


Alhamdulillah.:)


ps: my dad called me this morning to remind me back what he already reminded me before... My parent's and husband's love to me are so powerful, but God's love is beat-less! :)

Lesson learned

Not a pretty week for me this week... uhm, I might should say not a fabulous week. Where should I start?

I start with last weekend when my son's baby sitter who suddenly proposed for her day off that she can regularly take for 2 days in every month. Since it's her right then we don't have any problem with that, but it will be nicer if she'd tell us few days before. But thankfully my son doesn't really need much of her help anymore so a sudden day off wasn't a big deal actually, but that's not the problem... The problem is that she suddenly text me (after I text her to ask why hasn't she return yet while she supposed to return on the day before) to say that she couldn't work with me anymore. And that's it.... bye bye baby sitter!

So I've lost someone who used to help me to clean the house and do ironing, but I don't really like the person for some reasons either and I was like almost... almost to fired her once because of an absolutely annoying mistake she has done, well... I don't really miss the baby sitter! And everything are still under control. Alhamdulillah... And look at bright side, it makes me and husband working together to clean the house and take care of our son. And I'm more in love to my husband then before! :))

And I also have failed have not yet succeed in selling my lamp just because I didn't really check it before I hand it over to the buyer. What a wuss... Well, it makes me learn to be more conscientious next time. Awwkaay!

And the worse is when I lose my blackberry which just happened today.  We went for cinema marathon today, which was planned on the go. Me and husband really wanted to see The Pirates of Caribbean, but since there's no nanny then we should take our son with us too. We have set the condition for my son to be asleep during the film, well the film is clearly not for his age. Feeling guilty for making my son to accompany us for something he doesn't enjoy, I then asked husband to take our son to watch Cars 2. The idea has been approved, we then watch Cars 2 but at another cinema to match the movie schedule. Since my son has got enough sleep on the first movie, he didn't get sleepy at all while watching Cars 2. Wasn't that good? Well... it is actually almost impossible to make an 18 months old boy to sit and watch movie for more then one hour... at least to my son. He got bored after 40 minutes. So I toke him for a walk while husband still enjoy the movie. But that wasn't enough for my son, he wants his dad to be with him too, so we then left the cinema when the movie was still played. Then I realized that I have left my phone on my seat after we got home. :(

I don't feel really sad for my phone, I am more to feel embarrassed... embarrassed to God. Every time I hear friend or anyone saying that he/she has lost her phone or something valuable, I usually ask weather he/she has give enough for sedekah or zakat. And yet it happens to me. So I've been thinking a little more this evening, there must be something bad I have done and God is trying to remind me for it. Then it gives me a little flashback...

Few years ago when I was on my way to the airport to pick some friends from Malaysia, I accidentally hit a car which was rolling slowly in front of my car. I wasn't on a speed, it was like 10-20 km/h actually, but what caused me a car crash was a silly little mosquito which I was trying to kill... and BANG!!! I was OK, the car I hit was OK, but my car was crushed badly. I was shocked, didn't know what to do... it was actually my dad's car which he let me to use every time I need it that time. I was so shocked and felt guilty. My dad was quite disappointed at me, he should be... I made him spent a lot of money to fix the car. And something my dad has said to me that time that I will never forget was "God must have love you so much! Think of anything bad you have done, and why He is trying to remind you this way!".

And now it happens again. I feel embarrassed, like any wife feels embarrassed when her husband is disappointed to her, like any child feel embarrassed when his/her parents are angry to him/her, like any worker feel embarrassed when his/her boss is unhappy for what he/she has done.... God is unhappy with things I have done. Yeah, of course I have made tons and tons mistakes, continuously... and my worse mistake for today is that I have abandoned my Zuhur prayer just to watch movie and make it at Ashar, while I actually can make it on time. What a lame.

God might telling me this:
"Hey Di, it's not that hard for Me to get you to worse situation than losing a cellphone. But I love you, and pretty unhappy for you have abandoned Me... let this be a lesson for you to learn. You should think of Me more, I am The One who gives you love that you get from your surrounding, I am The One who gives you wealth so you can spend it to watch movie in cinema, I am The One who gives you happiness... Why wont you think of Me more? Is my love is not enough for you? 

With the greatest love you can never get from anything in the world,

God."


*astaghfirullah :'(

They didn't start it easily.

I met some new people recently. No, they are not my patients, they are people who was once in my place where I'm seating now. (So they've once using your laptop too?) Err... no -____-". They are successes entrepreneurs who once crawled from zero just like me now. I didn't waste my chance to get their experience, I've pretty much asked some of them questions, which they've generously answered and shared me their stories.

There was Silverius Oscar "Onte" Unggul, an eco-social entrepreneur who works for TELAPAK. He was one of some speakers on E-idea EA at Shangrila Hotel last Wednesday. TELAPAK is an NGO who works for the environment, what they have done and do pretty much inspires me. They save trees and help illegal loggers to cooperate with them and earn more money. While illegal loggers used to cut trees and sell woods in cheap price, TELAPAK made a system to certified trees which will worth more because each tree is noted for its age, height, diameter,  precise position and for each tree that is cut will be replaced with another tree. And when those woods are transformed into furniture or stuff like that, its certification will tell the buyer that that furniture is made from tree which was cut from where, in what age, what year and so... Brilliant idea!
Before he finally made those illegal loggers to cooperate with him, Bang Onte (it's how some people call him) spent 7 years to approach them. Seven years!!! In seven years he didn't produce anything yet, he just tried to get along with those loggers; sleep, eat, play soccer with them. The guy is so very nice, he shared me a social enterprise manual... I'm still learning on it.

And there was Wahyu Aditya, a quite famous entrepreneur who is the founder of Hello Motion. The man runs a design school, makes design festival once in every year, runs a distro, produces printed tees... He shared his experiences when he first run his business. It takes 5 years until he can say that his business is finally established.

And there was more couples of people who also has interesting stories... But what I can conclude is that the first 3 years of running a business is the period that we can say "masa berdarah-darah", so please enjoy! And another thing I got is, "motivation is above ability". When you (read: I) have a great motivation of doing something, you (read: I) will do anything to make something that seems impossible to be possible. Oh, cool! Saying it is so easy, but to do it is a hard work and "berdarah-darah". But bring it on! I - WANT - MY - DREAM - COMES - TRUE !!! You hear me universe??? I know you do! Make it happen!!!!!


Sincerely,
a trying-to-be-an-eco-social-entrepreneur yang masih kroco, coro, combro, misro, minumnya teh botol sosro. :p

Coral. green craft with the love to ocean

Apaan sih Coral.? Coral. itu mimpi gue yang lahir sekitar lima bulan yang lalu, dimana waktu itu gue lagi getol-getolnya browsing blog tentang crafting, dan lagi eling tentang gaya hidup yang ramah lingkungan... dua-duanya ditemukan, disatukan, lahirlah Coral. .

Agak keterlaluan emang kalau gue belum cerita tentang Coral. sedikit pun di sini. Maaf yaaa blog.... Padahal gue udah umbar-umbar di twitter, facebook, bahkan udah diikutin kompetisi dan sempet lolos jadi finalis segala. Tapi nggak belum sedikit pun gue share di sini. Ter - la - lu ! :(

Adalah gue, si tukang bosan dan selalu pengen coba ini itu. Salah satu dari sekian panjang list yang pengen gue coba adalah berwirausaha, tapi selalu mentok dengan pikiran modal, tempat, waktu... endesbrei. Belum lagi ilmu wirausaha gue itu yaaaah... hampir sama banyaknya sama ilmunya anak gue soal wirausaha kali ya... eh lebay ya? Pokoknya lo bisa bilang gue begok deh kalo urusan ini! Emang! Selama sekolah dan kuliah sayangnya gue sama sekali nggak dapat ilmu wirausaha. Dan di lingkungan keluarga pun tadinya nggak ada yang berwirausaha (keluarga dekat banget maksudnya). Sementara gue bisa lah dibilang manusia kebanyakan teori, kalo belum dapet teorinya kayanya belum paham gitu.

Tapi biar begok gue udah berkali-kali punya mimpi atau niat berwirausaha, kan ada laki gue kan yang pinter.... hehehe. Gue dan suami pernah berniat mau buka apotik waralaba, tapi pupus karena ternyata butuh modal yang nggak terjangkau. Pernah juga mau buka klinik gigi kerjasama dengan apotik deket rumah, udah sempet ketemu dan ngobrol-ngobrol sama pihak apotik tapi gagal juga gara-gara pihak apotiknya sampe sekarang menghilang aja gitu...hiiish! (tapi untung juga nggak jadi, kalo nggak bingung juga gue urusannya kalau akhirnya mesti pindah ke Balikpapan kaya gini.... tuh kan, emang mantep deh skenarionya Allah!) Terus pernah juga niat bikin bisnis pastry rumahan, udah pamer segala ke temen-temen, bagi-bagi taster juga... tapi pupus gara-gara gue nggak berani maju. Berat juga kayanya mau bisnis makanan yaaak...udah mana itu pastry gue bikinnya sendirian, gimana ntar kalo permintaan banyak, gimana kalau basi, gimana supaya tetep manteb sampe di tangan customer??? Kebanyakan gimana akhirnya gue ngak berani maju.
hehehe...

Tapi biar begok plus penakut, tetep loooh gue pengeeeeen banget berwirausaha. Akhirnya setelah tercipta ide bisnis kreatif, gue langsung bbm-in adik gue Nadya yang udah jadi entrepreneur duluan dari jaman kuliah. Setelah gue ceritain apa ide gue responnya cuma bilang "langsung bikin!!!!!!". Gue dengan dodolnya nanya "hah, emang harus gitu ya?". Jawabnya, "Lah, emang lo mo nunggu apaan? Bikin langsung!!!"
Wuiiiiih??!

Tapi terus gue pikir mungkin emang harus gitu kali ya kalau mau mulai usaha. Setelah ngebahas ide gue ke suami, akhirnya kita sepakat kalau bisnis kreatif ini bisnis yang nggak perlu tempat, nggak perlu modal besar, nggak perlu tenaga banyak. Terus dalam hati gue juga makin menggaung deh omongan adek gue "iya ya, apa lagi dong yang mesti gue tunggu?". Tapi saat itu respon suami sekedar mendukung (suami gue mah emang selalu dukung apa pun ide gue selama nggak kelewat sinting.... iiiiih cintaaaaak! :*) tapi dia nggak bisa ciptain ide-ide kreatif, jadi dia cuma bisa support mentally, while I refuse to be supported financially (taelaaaah... padahal mah tetep minta-minta juga dikit :p).

Sebelum tercipta ide bikin produk dari sampah, dan sebelum tercetus nama Coral., gue sempet trial and error bikin beberapa dua produk lampu hias. Keduanya hampir bisa dibilang gagal, eh...  satu deh yang gagal, yang satu lagi cuma gagal diterusin aja. :p

Akhirnya nongol deh ide bikin lampu hias dari sampah botol kaca dan bantal dari sampah plastik. Terus untuk nama, dengan picik dan amatirnya langsung tercetus nama "Coral." karena gue cinta laut, itu aja alasannya. Hehehehe... gue si wirausahawan amatir tolol yang masih belajar, sekarang mulai paham tentang pentingnya nama suatu usaha. Baiklah, sekedar masukan buat yang mau mulai buka usaha nih yaaaa.... bikin lah nama yang sangaaat kreatif yang nggak ada miripnya, yang bisa jadi tanda khas ibarat tompel pada Rano Karno, tahi lalat pada Marilyn Monroe! (menurut para "dragons" di acara entah apa tentang penawaran kerjasama bisnis ke para pebisnis multimillionaire di BBC). Yah tapi Coral. udah kepalang dikenal dengan Coral., dan gue belum ketemu nama yang kreatif, jadi sebelum bikin bubur merah putih, biar lah dia dipanggil Coral. dulu walau pun yang kenal belum banyak. Eh by the way... punya ide nama nggak lo? #eaaaaaaaa....!!!!

Nggak lama setelah gue punya ide bikin Coral., adik gue si Nadya (macam adik gue ada lebih dari 1 aje :p) lagi-lagi ganggu gue sama bbmnya. Tau-tau dia share link tentang kompetisi E-idea dari British Council. Idih, apaan ituuuuuuh???? Yang jelas, sebagaimana kompetisi-kompetisi lainnya, E-idea ini pun punya deadline yang harus ditepati kalau mau ikutan nimbrung. Deadline? Bagosss!!! Gue si pemalas ini emang butuh deadline, supaya ada target kapan produk gue kudu kelar. Sama seperti niat bikin bisnis pastry dulu, Coral. ini pun gue kerjain segala-galanya sendiri, kecuali bagian kapnya gue minta tolong ke tukang kap lampu. Dan sebagai one-woman-standing-for-her-own, cum emak rumah tangga, cum PRT, cum praktek.. aduhai begitu mudahnya buat melambat-lambat ngerjain satu produk aja. Jadi karena deadline, akhirnya gue ikut kirim proposal ke kompetisi E-idea ini, mepet waktu tentunya! :p

Ajaibnya terpilih lah Coral. jadi salah satu  dari 24 finalis. Kadang-kadang gue khawatir jangan-jangan jurinya keselip file gue diantara yang lolos jadi finalis... kok bisa lolos sih gue? Tapi gue sedih juga sih nggak dipilih jadi pemenang (eaaaa labil!). Tapi yaa nggak sedih-sedih amat, nama juga masih baru, kerja pun masih sendiri, satu-satunya tim yg gw punya ya laki gue. :p Dan gue lah satu-satunya finalis yang berdiri atas nama diri sendiri, bukan tim atau badan. Kalau dipikir-pikir, seandainya pun menang emang masih terlalu prematur juga buat Coral. kali yaaak. Iya deh...

Semenjak E-idea itu berhubung produk gue udah ada yang jadi, mulai lah gue mencari pasar buat jualan. Dasar emang gue wirausahawan masih kroco, membuat sesuatu itu satu hal yaaak, tapi bikin supaya yang kita buat itu laku itu hal yang lain, dan itu justru yang paling krusial! Jadi berhasil kah gue menjual produk gue? Belum. -_____-"

Beberapa lampu gue yang udah jadi sedang duduk manis di suatu stand di Koloni Mall of Indonesia dengan sisstem konsinyasi, sampai sekarang. MOI ini sepertinya memang nggak terlalu rame yaaak... dan Koloni pun setelah dua kali gue kesana emang terlihat sepi walaupun standnya banyak, bahkan ada standnya gantibaju.com lho di sana (kalo yang suka baca-baca tentang entrepreneurship pasti tau deh yang satu ntu). Trus kenapa tetep naro disana? Yaaaa... seenggaknya kalau ada  yang pengen liat produk gue langsung gue punya jawabannya gitu. :p

Dalam urusan berwirausaha ini gue masih merayap lambaaat macam ular ganti kulit, gue masih perlu belajar banyak, masih perlu usaha yang luebuiiiiih ekstra lagi, masih perlu dikasih hantaman motivasi dari kanan-kiri-depan-belakang-atas-bawah, gitu deh! Macam sekarang ini tawaran konsinyasi gue ke salah satu artshop di daerah Kemang ditolak boook, gara-gara target pasar yang beda. Mata gue kurang jeli kalau barang-barang yang ditaro di etalase mereka itu barang untuk pasar anak muda atau anak kuliahan, sementara produk gue dianggap untuk pasar ibu-ibu gitu. Aih, rasanya macam diputusin pacar! Ha ha ha ha ha.... Yaaaah nggak papa deh, namanya juga masih baru kaaaan? (menghibur diri sendiri).

Gitu deh lebih kurangnya cerita tentang Coral. lo bisa liat blognya di www.corallivingproject.blogspot.com atau follow twitternya di @coralproject

 

Berniat beli nggak? Beli dooong.... hehehehe... *jualan* :p

Tapi kalau pun nggak beli, paling nggak doain aja yaaa supaya cita-cita gue ini bisa tercapai. Sama kaya anak yang masih tumbuh, cita-cita Coral. pun masih dinamis gituh, tapi tetep manis kok. hehehehe.... Beli yaaak! *eaaaa... jualan lagi*

Balikpapan...?

Balikpapan... Nama kota ini akan selalu dekat sama gue, paling nggak sama nama gue sendiri. Terbukti di KTP, SIM, passport, kartu perpustakaan jaman sekolah, kartu mahasiswa, piagam, STTB, sertifikat apa pun... selalu setia tertulis di bawah nama gue.
  Nama                          : Diana Rimadany Saib
  Tempat & tanggal lahir : Balikpapan, 18 Juli 1982

Ya kan??!

Gue lahir di Balikpapan, besar mulai baligh di Balikpapan juga... Sebenernya gue nggak tau kriteria orang boleh nulis "besar" di kota mana itu kalau dia udah hidup di kota itu sampe umur berapa, berapa sih? Mulai baligh udah dianggap "besar" belom? Well, yang jelas gue dan Balikpapan ada sesuatu, alhamdulillah ya.. (seriously, someone should kill this syahrini's style in my head!!!) Tapi bukannya gue nggak mau ngaku besar di Balikpapan lho... gue malah minder sebenarnya. Selama ini kalau denger temen-temen gue dari Balikpapan dulu bangga mengakui diri mereka "anak Balikpapan" gue rada malu mau ngakuin diri "anak Balikpapan" juga. Yah gitu deh, balik lagi ke pertanyaan sampe seberapa "besar" orang bisa dianggap "besar" di kota tertentu. Kalo gue ngaku, gue dianggep nggak yah? :p

Kasian deh gue kalo ditanya aslinya orang mana... macam nggak punya pendirian.
"Asli orang mana?"
"Padang"
"Oh, besar di Padang?"
"Nggak..."
"Oh berarti lahir di Padang?"
"Saya lahir di Balikpapan"
"Berarti orang Balikpapan?"
"..."
"Tinggal di Balikpapan?
"Nggak juga..."
"Tinggal dimana?"
"Di Jakarta."
"Dimananya?"
"Jatibening..."
"Itu sih bukan Jakartaaaaa!"
"..." -_____-*

Kan, kasian kan??? Kampung gua dimanaaaaaa???? Gue pantas ngaku jadi orang manaaaa? *telpon papa mama* Oh... lain kali mungkin begini...
"Asli orang mana?"
"Apalah artinya asli orang mana, toh hidup hanya sementara!"
#eeaaaaaaaaa.....

Yah, pokoknya Balikpapan udah diputuskan suratan takdir jadi tempat gue lahir, alhamdulillah ya, ses...*muntah!* Masa prasekolah gue di Balikpapan, sampai Bokap dipindahtugaskan ke Paris yang ntah di tahun berapa dan berapa lama waktu itu... gue nggak inget. Abis itu kembali ke Balikpapan sampai tahun 1987 lalu kembali ke Paris sampai 1989, lalu kembali lagi ke Balikpapan sampai 25 Desember 1993. Dan semenjak itu gue nggak pernah lagi injakin kaki di Balikpapan, boro-boro Balikpapan, Kalimantan Timur pun nggak. Tapi kalau Kalimantan Selatan pernah untuk acara baksos waktu koas dulu, itu aja gue bahagianya udah bukan kepalang. Kayanya temen-temen yang barengan baksos sama gue dulu juga bingung sendiri kenapa gue kelebaran cengir selama ada di Kalimantan... Ha! Mereka nggak tau seberapa kangennya gue sama dialeg "itu nah" "itu kah", ternyata Banjarmasin punya dialeg yang hampir sama.

Walaupun nggak pernah lagi nginjakin kaki di Balikpapan, bukan berarti gue nggak pernah mimpi tentang Balikpapan. Sering!!!! Somehow saat itu gue cuma berpikir, Balikpapan cuma bisa dikunjungi lewat mimpi aja kali yeee... Demi alasan apa gue kesana dong?  Ih kasian... *sedih*

Tapi tiba-tiba datanglah seorang Billy yang ditugasin jadi jodoh gue, kerja di perusahaan tempat bokap kerja dulu. There you go life... you bring me back to Balikpapan! Pernah sekali Billy ngajak gue ke Balikpapan, gue lupa bulan apa yang jelas sebelum Juli 2009, karena waktu itu gue belum hamil. Billy yang waktu itu kerja di lapangan dengan rotasi 4-4 minggu on&off, dan kite yang masih newlywed bangeeeeeeud (pengennya kan bedua-dauan gityuuuu ceritanya), suatu hari ditengah jadwal dia on field yang 4 minggu lamanya ituh (ditekankan yaaa lamanya...4 minggu bok!) dia ada training di Balikpapan. Demi ketemu, Billy suruh gue datang ke Balikpapan, maka datang lah gue...cukup 3 malam saja, eh apa dua ya?? Tentunya dengan cengiran yang jauuuuh lebih lebar dari waktu gue mendarat di Banjarmasin waktu koas dulu. Balikpapan, akhirnya! Yang cuma nongol di mimpi eeeeh bisa didatengin betulan! Whuuiiiiiih.... Itu lah kali pertama gue nginjakin kaki lagi ke Balikpapan sejak 25 Desember 1993.

Dan dua bulan lagi, insyaAllah gue bakal ada di posisi emak gue lebih 18 tahun yang lalu, jadi emak-emak Balikpapan. Cuma bedanya gue lahir disana, emak gue nggak. :) Btw, gue dan Billy berencana bikin adeknya Izan nanti disana (kalau palnning nggak berubah)... who knows, kalo Allah berkehendak jangan-jangan gue dikasih anak perempuan yang lahir di Balikpapan juga.. trus tiba-tiba berjodoh sama karyawan perusah... oh enough! :p

Untuk urusan pindah ini perasaan gue nggak terlalu amburadul. Biasanya kalau mau masuk ke sesuatu yang baru gue suka lebih banyak mikir parno-parnonya gitu, tapi kali ini sepertinya (insyaAllah) nggak. Yang jelas bayangan bahwa akhirnya keluarga gue bisa hidup utuh selama 7 hari seminggu, 4 minggu sebulan, 12 bulan setahun itu udah alhamdulillah! Sejak Izan 2 bulan, Billy yang tadinya sempet dipindahin kerja ke kantor Jakarta (setelah periode 4-4 itu) akhirnya dipindahin lagi ke lapangan tapi dengan rotasi 2-2. Ringan tapi tetep aja malessss kalo denger anak gue bentar-bentar nanya ayahnya. Biar gimana pun akan jauh lebih sehat dan lebih baik buat anak gue kalau dia bisa ketemu ayahnya tiap hari, period! (lha kok tanda seru??)

Balikpapan... how will you be? What will you bring me? What will I get from you or what can I do for you, dear city which always be put on my identity card. :)

Balikpapan, yang kalo orang Perancis bilangnya "Balikpapong"... please prepare a comfort yet productive space for my little family. :)

Balikpapan... nanti kalu udah disana gue nggak bakalan krisis jawaban tentang asal lagi. It will be...
"Asli orang mana?"
"Balikpapan walau pun orangtua Minang"
"Emang lahir dimana?"
"Balikpapan!" *manteb*
"Oooo... lah tinggal dimana?"
"Balikpapan juga, weeeeek!" *manteb bin nyolot*
"Waaah hebat, besar di Balikpapan ya?"
"......" "yang jelas ini lagi besarin anak di Balikpapan nih! Weeeeeekkkk!!!"
"Nggak sempit?"
"Hah?"
"Di balik papan emang nggak sempit?" (<-- yes, ini juga salah satu candaan lawas yang paling gw sebelin selain orang nyanyiin lagu "Diana..Diana kekasihku" tiap habis tanya nama gue siapa!)

Yah demikianlah... ihiiiiiiiiiyyyyy... deg-degaaaaaannnn!!!!!

To Bali Again (part V - end)

Should I still continue the story? Heck, it's been months and I've mostly forgot. I'm so sorry, but to make you happy errr... I guess we went to Bali Safari Marine Park on our last day in Bali, had fun for kiddo.

There you go, that's all I can say. Don't get grumpy darling, Ied is two days close and we need to forgive each other... please forgive my laziness for blogging. ;)

Anyway, Happy Ied Mubarak!

Next time I travel I promise try to share the story right away...! :p

:*

Who Am I To Judge?

Belakangan ini banyak kejadian yang bikin gue mikir...err, mikir banyak hal. Gue secara subjektif dan pribadi (taelaaaah) setiap denger satu cerita pasti langsung menerima pake reseptor-reseptor pendek yang paling aktif di kepala: namanya reseptor subjektif. Alhasil, komentar gue habis denger berita yang aneh-aneh atau nggak sesuai dengan cara berpikir gue, si reseptor-reseptor subjektif tadi bakalan bunyiin saraf-saraf motorik untuk gerakin otot alis biar naik, otot jidat biar ngernyit, dan yang paling penting otot bibir biar bisa langsung nyerocos nyinyir...

Contoh kasus:
1) Ada ibu single parent beranak satu yang memutuskan pergi kerja ke luar negeri and ningalin anaknya sama orang tuanya. >> reseptor subjektif menerima >> kirim sensor ke motorik otot bibir >> nyinyir otomatis:"tu emak gilak yaaa, kagak sayang anak!!! nggak abis pikir gua, kok ya tegaaaaaaaaaaa....."

2) Ada istri yang kerja nine to five, bahkan mungkin lebih, anak ditinggal di rumah, biarin suami yang jaga, suami kerja di rumah. >> reseptor subjektif menerima >> kirim sensor ke motorik otot leher sama otot lidah >> kepala geleng-geleng, lidah berdecak >> otot bibir nggak ketinggalan terima sensor >> nyinyir otomatis : "nggak abis pikiiiiiiiiir, kok bisa nyuruh suami jaga anak? tsk..tsk..."

Sebaliknya ada lagi contoh kasus dimana gue yang di-"subjektifkan". Ada orang yang nggak suka dan menganggap konyol tentang cara gw melakukan ini-itu di rumah. Kali ini yang nerima bukan reseptor subjektif, melainkan reseptor sok bijak. Respon yang dihasilkan adalah pemikiran: "Urusan apa orang itu ngejudge cara gue ngurus rumah tangga gue sendiri? Segala yang gue lakuin ini kan pake pemikiran yang matang buat kebaikan keluarga gue doooooooooooong......"

Dari sini gue jadi ketampar, lah gue pan sama yaaak kaya dia??! Setelah gue pikir-pikir lagi contoh kasus di atas, ternyata ada reseptor objektif yang garis hantaran listriknya kepanjangan jadi suka kalah cepet sama reseptor subjektif, nyaris tak terdengar....

Contoh kasus:
1)Ada ibu single parent beranak satu yang memutuskan pergi kerja ke luar negeri and ningalin anaknya sama orang tuanya. >> reseptor objektif menerima (jalannya lamaaaaaaaaaaaaa banget) >> nggak kirim sensor ke bibir, mata, alis, leher, kepala, pundak, lutut, kaki, lutut, kaki >> tapi kirim telegram ke otak: "bok, lo tau ape??? Dia kerja ke luar negerikan demi bisa ngidupin anaknya dan dia sendiri biar nggak minta-minta sama orang tuanya. Dia single fighter loooh, mending lo bisa kaya dia, duit laki lo aja masih sering lo abisin!" -____-

2)Ada istri yang kerja nine to five, bahkan mungkin lebih, anak ditinggal di rumah, biarin suami yang jaga, suami kerja di rumah. >> reseptor objektif menerima, tapi nerimanya macam pake sinyal *** di tengah hutan rimba (ga boleh sebut merek) >> kirim telegram ke otak : "eh nyong, lo tau apeeeee? Mungkin suaminya nanggung kalo mo kerja, karena masih ada kontrak sama kerjaan yang sebelumnya (die kerja di kapal gitu critanye), tapi kalo dua-duanya nganggur ntar mereka makan pake apaaaa... Jadi ya bininya kali yang mengalah demi karir lakinye yang tetap berjaya dan keluarga yang tetep sentosa!" *apa deh!*

Ih gue malu deh sama diri gue sendiri... sok tau, sok iye! Sebenernya contoh kasusnya banyak loooh... ya ampun, banyak juga ya dosa su'uzon gue berarti nih! xp

Makasih yaa, yang udah ngejudge gue, gue jadi ketampar and jadi sedikit sadar kalo orang-orang, err... semua orang (termasuk gue) pasti melakukan sesuatu karena alasan yang terbaik menurut mereka. Siapa deh gue dengan sotoynya mikir kalo pendapat gue yang paling bener? Emang gue bisa liat isi kepala orang-orang??? Cih!

*malu* *ngumpet dibawah selimut* *met bobooook...*

it's now definite!

So yeah I'm definitely pregnant now, no doubt! I went to gynecologist last Thursday and this pic is the souvenir :)

That figure I circled is my baby aged (that day) 6 weeks 4 days (so it's 7 weeks today), sized 0.65 cm. That little creature already has heart that pumping blood constantly for its own sake. According to the book I read (9 Bulan Yang Menakjubkan by Ayahbunda), at this age my junior has start to run it’s own metabolism process just like us and already has tiny hands and feet. It even already has eyes without eyelid so it can not blink yet, and nose, mouth and lips. Superb! But of course what I can see from USG was only that tiny figure above with it’s heart pumping in the middle of it.

I couldn't hold my tear while seeing it, actually I couldn't hold my tear on so many things recently... it's hormone thingy! I shed some tears only by seeing this picture bellow on newspaper (about 2 American journalists who was arrested in North Korea.) Duh! I can even cry alone at office in a sudden just by thinking about my husband, don’t get wrong… he’s definitely fine! Don’t ask why, I’m not even sure what made me cry unless because of hormone. Oh… all mothers and pregnant ladies out there would understand me!

I actually wanted to wait till my husband's return to see gynecologist but I had problems with blood spot, twice actually. I ignored the first cause I think it's normal. I've done some googling and few articles say it's okay to have blood spot on the first trimester... big mistake but luckily nonfatal to me. I decided to see gynecologist after the second one cause I don't wanna take any risk just because I want to see my junior with husband.

When I told my doctor about my blood spot problem and that I ignored the first one because I thought it's nothing, my doctor said it's not nothing and I should be more concern about it. There.... I shed tears again! I cry! I absolutely know that my junior is still fine inside me but my damned hormone wants me to cry. Oh I looked really really ridiculous! My gynecologist just laughed and said that she cry easily too while pregnant. My conclusion is: hormone is very much able to make people look ridiculous!

And in our next conversation I found out some meals I better consume and some I shouldn't which I actually already knew but I need to be more emphasized hehehe... So I should hold my saliva for my truelove mi ayam, and also avoid sate because there's chance that meat around the stick is not cooked enough, and Jakarta's seafood is not good because it's polluted... what else? Canned food is forbidden, no soft drinks or any meals with preservatives, avoid junk food, no instant noodle, reduce coffee, tea and chocolate... Well OK! I want to give birth an Einstein so I'll try what I could hehehehe... ;)



pic of American journalists is from here!

hohoho....??

I'm probably pregnant now... well what d'u know! :D

I took a cheap test pack last Thursday just for, you know, why not try now. And the result was two strips which one of them was kinda blurry. I've took some test packs couple of times before (not because I'm obsessed to get pregnant but simply because I want to know what actually made me not having my period on time) and it always shows one strip. So I know how to read a test pack result..

Fortunately I had a schedule to see gynecologist on that day, me and my husband decide that I need to take sort of lab test to know if I'm infected with virus that may affected my baby as if I'm pregnant. I was scheduled that day to know the lab test result. Since my test pack was little bit confusing, I told my gynecologist so she checked with USG. She found that my endometrium is thickening for 1.26 cm while the normal situation when a woman is about to have her period should be around 1.23-1.24 cm. But she couldn't find tiny round figure on her screen to make sure that I'm positive pregnant, she did find something but she was not sure so she wrote "suspect of early pregnancy" for her diagnosis.

She ask me to take another test pack on Sunday, maybe the strips will be clearer already. And I did this morning on my first pee but I was too sleepy to re-read the manual and I didn't wet it long enough so the result was blurry again, even more blurry then before! Doooh!!!! But it shows two blurry strips, FYI!

So guys, I'm maybe pregnant now.... what do you think? hehehehe....

Oh, weather I'm pregnant or not I thank God for anything He gives cause that is what best for me. MasyaAllah... subhanallah, walhamdulillah!

^___________^

Woooah... it's been a while since my last post. I have been quite busy I guess. I was more busy at home then at office actually, good news that now my mom has finally got a maid so I can have a lot time for my self after dinner. And Billy is now back on field until five weeks ahead, so here I am free by my self.

So after 2 months and half of marriage minus 5 weeks for the time that Billy spent on field and also hours I spent at office while Billy off of his work, my brief conclusion about marriage is............. well it is.... unexplainable! :P I believe no one can make any conclusion about marriage. Oh, but if there is one word to describe what I feel now that will be "complete"!

Yup, complete is what I feel when I'm with my husband. And I realize it more recently. While Billy is on field it feels (how should I say it...) "numb" for every time I come back from work and not seeing him around. I say it numb cause it feels like when you're being anesthetized and some part of your nerves cant feel a sense so then brain can not receive stimulus completely like it used to, and you will feel like some senses are missing, it feels incomplete!

It feels funny when realizing it cause I thought I'm an independent humankind, not needing anyone that bad and should always be OK by my self. I guess I've entered the husband-and-wife-are-needing-each-other phase. And I find that wonderful!

Te quiero Bilbo, mi cariño!