something nice along with the angpau

The paper is folded in an envelope along with the angpau from my wedding day. What special of it is the poem printed on it, pretty touching to me. So then I asked Billy to keep that paper instead of put it on pile to be dumped. I don't know who wrote it but the man who sign the paper was "Muchtar and family, Bening Indah 15/3'09". And just about this afternoon after 3 months forgotten in my drawer, I found that paper again, a bit wrinkled. I think I rather copy it somewhere before I unintentionally throw it away someday or then it gets more mussy. So here is the poem, enjoy....


KEPADA ANAK

Ketika bahteramu beranjak meninggalkan tepian
dan pangkuan Ibu kau tinggalkan
angin mulai berhembus menepis layar,
perjalanan hidupmu telah dimulai !

Jika kelak badai datang meronta,
petir melecut menyambar hidup,
ayah telah jauh, tepian tak tampak lagi,
kabut semata membalut jiwa,
perjalanan pulang hanya Ilahi.

Kalau nanti ombak melanda haluan,
karang derita menghadang tujuan,
peganglah kemudi, kuatkan iman,
serulah nahkoda, berikan senyuman,
perjalanan pulang cinta yang murni !

Seandainya pulau tak tampak jua,
tepian bahagia tak kunjung tercapai
tataplah langit-carilah bintang,
pastikan tempat dimana diri,
tentukan arah kemana hati,
perjalanan pulang di hatinurani!

Sekiranya kelak Ibu berseru berair mata,
dan Ayah memanggil terbata-bata,
sujudkan hati kepada Tuhan mu,
"Aku kembali, aku kembali,"
Perjalanan pulang hanya Ilahi !

Disaat hembusan angin redup, lenyap, mati,
arus laut tak bergerak lagi,
bekal dari Ibu habis sudah,
pemberian Ayah tiada bersisa,
mintalah bekal kepada Tuhan mu,
"Tuntun aku, tunjuki aku!"
Perjalanan pulang tiada lagi !

Diwaktu sampanmu pecah kekarang dilanda gelombang,
layarmu cabik diterpa angin,
tiang layar patah berkeping-keping,
nahkoda hilang ditelan badai,
kemasi diri lari ke Tuhan,
perjalanan pulang tiada lagi !

Manakala hatimu rengkah pecah berbingkah-bingkah,
dadamu remuk ditusuk dicencang derita,
penglihatanmu suram hitam kelam,
telingamu dingin mati beku,
akankah hatimu menampik panggilan
akankah jiwamu mendustakan seruan,
"Tuhan ku, Tuhan ku",
perjalanan pulang tiada lagi !

Anakku,
kami lepas dikau berjalan jauh,
bersama kasihmu berhati teguh,
kami menghantar hingga disini,
perjalanan pulang tiada lagi !


I can't resist my tear each time after the last couplet. I love you Mom and Dad, unspeakably! Millions of thanks would never worth what you have given me. :(

Jakarta, oh I hate you!

Kamu membuatku muak
Kemacetanmu nyaris membuat atrofi otot paha
Banjirmu adalah cerita lama yang menyebalkan tiada tara
Langitmu yang tak lagi pernah biru membuat durjana
Dan oksigemu, huh.. tipis seperti pakaian perempuan penggoda
Kamu seperti binatang jelek bercangkang emas dengan status ibukota
Dan sialnya.. Oh sungguh sial,
Aku terjebak dalam pusaran gravitasimu, lemas tak berdaya
Ah, aku muak denganmu!

serotonins are working !!!

oh it's a beautiful night... beautiful light... beautiful sight...
oh it's a beautiful sound... beautiful ground... beautiful round...
from that imperfect circle you make
anything couldn't be anymore perfect
there's no mistake, no false, no wry
there's only me, my self and I
tonight I'll fly and reach the sky
letting the mind to get high
nothing is allowed to cry
no, not for now nor tomorrow
I have decided to forget the taste of sorrow
cause all play its role in a row
tonight serotonins are working, else take a bow!

FEAR

"Routine leads to habit
Habit leads to need
Need leads to love
Love leads to commitment
Commitment is still my fear"

l'espoir

"O Allah, I surrender to U for every trial U give,
for every pain I feel,
for every hope I dream,
for tomorrow that is blur
I am clueless and lost,
stupid and weak
The last thing I can do is to surrender on U
I beg for Your blessing, Your clue, Your mercy"

like amphetamine

I have been brainwashed
It intrudes my blood, destructs my brain system,
hypnotizes my mind
I feel numb, high and falling apart at the same time
I can’t distinguish what’s real and what’s not
World is fantasy, my life is in dream
I’m dreaming life
I’ve been lost at the beginning and I’m lost on my research
The whole universe is against me
But my nerves are addicted
My consciousness are poisoned
The more I try to forget, the more I get torn apart
I grin when people tell me insane
I laugh when they warn me; "You are a brainless junky!"
I heard, and I always know they are right
But I’m as blind, mute, and deaf as Helen Keller

-d-

Biarkan aku terjaga saat semua mata memejam
Biar dan tinggalkan!
Aku ingin mengikuti kakiku kemana saja mereka berjalan
Akan kututup mataku
Biar tangan-tanganku yang meraba
Akan kutelan teriakku di setiap jatuh

Biarkan aku berlari bebas saat semua terbang melayang
Biarkan saja aku tertinggal
Aku ingin menikmati setiap jengkal bebasku
Aku masih punya waktu sebanyak sisa hidupku
Jangan batasi waktuku
Jangan paksa aku mengikatkan leherku

Biarkan kaki ini menari, berlari, meloncat
Aku bebas bergerak sesukaku
Sampai takdir datang memegang tanganku
Akan ku ikuti kemana pun ia membawaku
Seperti ia telah membawaku ke sini
Kemudian aku akan berlari, menari, melompat
Aku ingin menikmati setiap gerakku

Contradictory

The finger is bound, the heart still numb
This 15 millimeters white gold armour doesn't make me totally secure
Oh how I hate liar, but my mouth keeps spreading hoax to the whole mountain, spit it from one hill to another
I like my life, but hate my self!
As my mind keeps yelling "hell to love", my face fakes dazzling smiles everyday to show how I love love, oh can't you see that I'm in love?
But when all lights are down and the only noise is silence
Tears streaming down quitely to recall my fear
I can feel my numbness!
Even if I put many smiles in the face
Or say so many words, or write poems
Even silence can not hear the voice in my heart
There is still a cubicle of love in it
But there is hate in its love

Oi!

Untuk kepompong yang belum mau menjadi kupu-kupu
Untuk kecebong yang belum mau keluar dari air
Untuk daunan yang belum mau menyatu dengan tanah dan menjadi humus
Dan untuk malam yang belum mau menjadi fajar
Tolong hentikan waktu sejenak!
Bilang pada Adam, Hawa masih ingin bermimpi tentang bintang!

un poème pour le ciel

Hélas le ciel!

Je ne croix plus au miracle

Ni a l’amour ni au sentiment

Le vent a cassé mon aile

La terre a gelé mon esprit

La dernière c’est la fin

Allez dire aux nuages pour s’évanouir

Arrosez l’arc en ciel au peint noir

Mais laissez les étoile se rayonnent

Car ses sont mes rêves, mes espoirs

Je vais souffler a soleil pour qu’il le crie á l’univers

La pensee que je pense, le dernier zèle que je garde

« Ce qu’il y’ a au passé dois rester en oublie.

Maintenant c’est maintenant et demain ! »

H O P E

push me to the future
pull my mind to the past
my hair, my toe, my soul...
dancing for what is best for tomorrow
what is best for tomorrow?
tomorrow is blur but should be promising!