Motherhood VS Sophisticated Life

Hello 2011! I seemed like haven't blog for a year, my last post was on 2010. :)
I've been busy. Not kind of file-ing busy, or full-patients-schedule busy, or making-paper busy... but kind that being-mom-and-housewife busy! It has been two months since I fired my maid. We end up couldn't get along each other, and I think I payed her too much for so little work she did so "je l'avait mis a la porte" (I hope I type it correctly).

Apparently doing all home work by my self wasn't that horror, well at least I still have my child's baby sitter who is willing to help me to do some works (thank God). But of course having a baby wont give me a lot of chance to have some me-times. FYI the last time I went to salon was 7 months a go when Izan was still 3 mo and my hair fallen massively till I got so scared to get bald haha.. And the last time I did facial was.... err... uhm... cant even remember! Maybe it was even before I got pregnant cause I didn't want to have any contact with those chemical beauty things while pregnant. I've been drooling for facial treatment but thinking to bring a long my baby there while queuing for a treatment and then he has to wait for more hours while they're working on my face.... uhm I think I'll postpone it for a lil more while!

Actually, I know exactly that THAT is my problem. I really cant see my self leaving my lil champ too long. I wouldn't be relax! Tons of worries will buzz my mind. And there will be a mono conversation in mind like:
"What if he's thirsty and wants to breastfeed?",
"Nah, no worry! I've storage milks which make our fridge almost full. He's fine",
"But what if he's not comfortable and then he needs me? He'll cry like a crow!!!!",
"But his baby sitter can handle him",
"Yea but she's not his mom!!!! He needs me me me... the mother! Go back home now!!!!!"

That's why I don't get comfortable when I got too much patients at work and always hoping for not to get any patient at all on the day I should go practice (though I only practice twice a week, 4 hours each and even on call :p). Although for some chances I kinda miss working for real: being busy outside the house at sophisticated place, five days a week, nine to five, nice payment, seeing people, socializing...etc. Sometimes I envy my friends with their sophisticated life, who are able to keep working even after having baby. Well, "chaqu'un sa droit"!

Well, those stuff can wait. Even though I'm might not a kind of mom who'd say "I want to see my baby's first step, hear his first word, etc"... I don't really care for those first things he does. But I want to make sure that my child gets enough care and love. I want to make sure that I'm raising an Einstein, a would-be gentleman, a gonna-be hafidz, even if possible a superhuman to be. hehehe...

I know I'm not suppose to put expectation on my child, I'm trying not to. But what I can do is to raise him as how I want him to be, disregarding what kind of person he will be. My part is to teach and to lead him, one day when he's on his own feet he will walk his own path. Then he can be whatever person he wants. Thus, my fancy dreams of so-called-sophisticated-life not worth this would-be superhuman I'm trying to raise! :)